My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
