You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
