my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I cockslap morals
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
