something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
