If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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