I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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