She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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