i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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