I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
