dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
