Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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