Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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