yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
