He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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