oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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