forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
