I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
