booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
