So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
