Do you still have your period?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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