I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
