The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
