are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
