beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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