never play flip cup with pint glasses
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
