the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
