Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
