Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
