there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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