babies were throwing up all over the place
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
