reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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