normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He felt like a one man threesome
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Found the puke drawer
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
