Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
