Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
