Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
