Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
