GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
3 2 1 whiskey
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
