Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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