One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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