the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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