We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
