Kareoke will never be a sober sport
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
