I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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