so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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