Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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