i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
