we have pet lesbian snakes
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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