stop calling my apartment porn island.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
