the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
