to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
