These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
