I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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