dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
