i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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